"Humiliated. Not sure why I even showed up. Nothing really more to say."
I figured it would be short and sweet and would get the message across pretty well. I had some questions about my swim and bike going into the race, and all those concerns seem to have manifested themselves in near-worst case scenario. Anyone who had seen or talked to me the week leading into the race, knew I was pretty sick. Actually, up to Saturday, I wasn't even sure if I would race. But I was definitely better on Sunday, and didn't really notice any of the issues (coughing, sneezing, sore throat) I had the week prior. If I thought I would do any serious damage, I would pull the plug, but that never happened, so I was good to go.
I started the swim pretty smoothly, and settled into a small pack very early. "great, this will work" I thought. Then I realized that maybe I was moving a little easier than I should have. The pace wasn't terrible, but I probably should have fought a bit more earlier and tried to be up with the next group. Still, it's an Ironman, and getting out pretty relaxed and unscathed isn't necessarily a bad thing. I got out strong, onto the bike relatively efficiently, and started riding with Lewis Elliot, a very fast cyclist.
That's when the frustration set in. I knew I wasn't riding like a professional should. And I didn't. No excuses. I just need to get better. I've had confidence in my bike, I know I can, but I haven't ridden well all year. And everything negative took center stage. I kept saying, the whole last 50-60 miles of the bike, that I'd just find a quiet place to dip out, maybe even just ride back to my hotel room, and turn in my chip later. But I just didn't. And I thought about all the other people out there, and how hard a day it was for everyone. And I thanked God for just allowing me to even be out there, to be healthy and lucky enough to even toe the line.
I can't say that there was every really a specific turning point, a time when I decided to suck it up and really get positive, change my mindset. But I did keep going, at the best pace I could sustain. I tried to kick it up to what watts I had planned to ride, but it wouldn't hold. But I stayed with it, and continued to follow my nutrition plan.
I've gotten tons of support from friends and family for the race. Cliff English, my coach, and Jesse Kropelnicki, my nutritionist, were very proud of how I held together and ran. And I'm grateful that I can keep pursuing this, all the ups and downs, the learning curve involved in Ironman. I guess it's a little bittersweet for me though, personally. I think mentally, I'm really learning to take the day as it comes and give an honest effort regardless. But I also think I could be much faster. But this is a step, you know? And I'm willing to take those steps. Stay with it regardless of outside, or self-imposed expectations.
Thanks you's again. My family (Sarah, the boys, Mom, Dad, my sister Jesse) So supportive an encouraging, they believe in me and it would be impossible to continue without them. My Athletes Lounge family, who allows me to keep "chasing the dream", all the while making our shop what it's become. I'm just thankful to be apart of our team. My coach Cliff, who was there for me at the race and deals with trying to get the best out of me day to day. Jesse, who had me at the race leaner than I've been in a very long time. To my sponsors, Blue Seventy (who I had a great time hanging with at IMCDA), Rolf Prima (thanks Brian for being out there and supporting), Rudy Project (perfect glasses, and a light, fast, and comfortable aero lid), Garmin (for the 500 that showed me the lows, and the 910xt that showed me the highs), and Sean at Quietly Fierce, who's pretty much always the 1st to call, check in, ask me about my race; I greatly value the chance to work with all of you. Additionally, thanks to Torhans, Compressport, and Powerbar for hooking me up with extremely valuable race day support. Everything worked great and was very appreciated.
Additionally, I have to say something about the race volunteers, and everyone I interacted with from Coeur d'Alene. I seriously have never met a more supportive, outgoing, generous group of people. I'm generally very impressed with the people I meet when I travel to race, but this was unique. From the volunteers and crowd support on course, to how I was taken care of post race, to the staff at my hotel, the people at the restaurants where I ate, it was special. The crowds coming into the finish were the best I've experienced that early in a race finish. And if any of you are reading, or you're considering visiting, I can't say enough good things about that community. Seriously blown away, thanks again!
Hanging out and enjoying some down time with my wife and 2 boys right now, but will add another post as soon as I discuss the 2nd half of the season with Cliff, and get the plan on paper.
congratulations on your 9th place on a hard day! it is great to read about your perseverance. in the end, that is what counts - the decisions you make in challenging moments.
ReplyDeletevery inspiring.